Today I started the last diet I will ever do!!!
This time it is final.
No more steaks the size of a Buick and gallons of coke. From today I eat only healthy food - I will be thin even if I start growing sprouts out of my ears.
I don't see any problem - I enjoy a Tuna salad just as I enjoy a whole tray of Pizza and light bread is just like a toasted ciabatta with six slices of yellow cheese.
There will be some serious problems and a few obstacles that I will have to overcome but it will be worth it, I will finally spend more time with my kids than the time I spend in the toilet - just the money I will save on toilet paper will make me a rich man.
When the time comes that you feel like you ran a marathon only by cutting your toenail - a person understands he has a problem, I carry the overweight for too long and it is time for a change, I will get thinner and when I get to an elevator gorgeous women will look at me with lust and not fear worrying that the elevator wont hold.I never felt thin, even after the army service when I was 50 kilo thinner I remember looking at my self in the mirror and thinking I am too fat, funny enough I look at my self today and I smile to my self and think Paul Newman is looking at me from the other side.I ate today a two eggs omelet in pita bread and a huge coke but that was before I decided on the diet and at lunch I ate Tuna salad and two pieces of bread which was not so bad but because today is Friday I will probably eat a dozen or so schnitzels and if schnitzels then I must have mashed potato and I must drink coke or sprite , god forbid it will be water. My first dietitian reminds me of the horses in "Young Frankenstein" every time Igor said "Blucher" the horses would go mad but with mine it was candy - candy for her stood for all the bad in the world. It was an easy diet I ate almost nothing and worked in construction at the time, the extra kilos went off in a rate of two,two and a half a week. I got very fast from 100 to 82 - today it looks like a dream.
The second one was more serious and with deep theories regarding why and how I got to this weight - her conclusion was that I am fat because I got to Israel from Argentina by boat and that made me stay in the Oral stage and that is why I cant keep my mouth shut. She said there is no such thing as diet and that from now to the rest of my life I need to eat what she told me and this depressed me immediately because it was not enough that I was eating like a bird : Tuna in brine and light bread - I need to imagine my self eating like this forever. I started with her 117 and left her at 102.
The third and most absurd was in a hospital - if you can imagine me and 20 more coming to the the famous "Happy Diet" - you know why it is called the Happy diet? it is because you are so miserable all day and finally evening comes and you eat like there is no tomorrow and it does make you happy.
Most people there were old men with diabetes but there were others - really messed up. There was this woman that was as thin as a broom stick and one that weighs 200 kilo or more but there was one common ground for all of them they all hated carbohydrates. Being an Argentinian with chimichurri running in my vains I have no problem with proteins but once they tell me I can eat a slice of watermelon not bigger than my little finger I crack - people always told me it is only water.
I remember me and my dad in 1990 sitting watching the world cup in soccer each with half a watermelon and a teaspoon ( with a spoon it ends too quickly ) and this of course after a decent lunch - damn those Germans for taking the cup from us.
The only thing I learnt in the Happy diet was that onion has the same calories as an apple. From that day I use only one onion for my famous two kilo spaghetti bolognese.
I started there 127 and quit at 115.
This time it is final.
No more steaks the size of a Buick and gallons of coke. From today I eat only healthy food - I will be thin even if I start growing sprouts out of my ears.
I don't see any problem - I enjoy a Tuna salad just as I enjoy a whole tray of Pizza and light bread is just like a toasted ciabatta with six slices of yellow cheese.
There will be some serious problems and a few obstacles that I will have to overcome but it will be worth it, I will finally spend more time with my kids than the time I spend in the toilet - just the money I will save on toilet paper will make me a rich man.
When the time comes that you feel like you ran a marathon only by cutting your toenail - a person understands he has a problem, I carry the overweight for too long and it is time for a change, I will get thinner and when I get to an elevator gorgeous women will look at me with lust and not fear worrying that the elevator wont hold.I never felt thin, even after the army service when I was 50 kilo thinner I remember looking at my self in the mirror and thinking I am too fat, funny enough I look at my self today and I smile to my self and think Paul Newman is looking at me from the other side.I ate today a two eggs omelet in pita bread and a huge coke but that was before I decided on the diet and at lunch I ate Tuna salad and two pieces of bread which was not so bad but because today is Friday I will probably eat a dozen or so schnitzels and if schnitzels then I must have mashed potato and I must drink coke or sprite , god forbid it will be water. My first dietitian reminds me of the horses in "Young Frankenstein" every time Igor said "Blucher" the horses would go mad but with mine it was candy - candy for her stood for all the bad in the world. It was an easy diet I ate almost nothing and worked in construction at the time, the extra kilos went off in a rate of two,two and a half a week. I got very fast from 100 to 82 - today it looks like a dream.
The second one was more serious and with deep theories regarding why and how I got to this weight - her conclusion was that I am fat because I got to Israel from Argentina by boat and that made me stay in the Oral stage and that is why I cant keep my mouth shut. She said there is no such thing as diet and that from now to the rest of my life I need to eat what she told me and this depressed me immediately because it was not enough that I was eating like a bird : Tuna in brine and light bread - I need to imagine my self eating like this forever. I started with her 117 and left her at 102.
The third and most absurd was in a hospital - if you can imagine me and 20 more coming to the the famous "Happy Diet" - you know why it is called the Happy diet? it is because you are so miserable all day and finally evening comes and you eat like there is no tomorrow and it does make you happy.
Most people there were old men with diabetes but there were others - really messed up. There was this woman that was as thin as a broom stick and one that weighs 200 kilo or more but there was one common ground for all of them they all hated carbohydrates. Being an Argentinian with chimichurri running in my vains I have no problem with proteins but once they tell me I can eat a slice of watermelon not bigger than my little finger I crack - people always told me it is only water.
I remember me and my dad in 1990 sitting watching the world cup in soccer each with half a watermelon and a teaspoon ( with a spoon it ends too quickly ) and this of course after a decent lunch - damn those Germans for taking the cup from us.
The only thing I learnt in the Happy diet was that onion has the same calories as an apple. From that day I use only one onion for my famous two kilo spaghetti bolognese.
I started there 127 and quit at 115.
